Today is Thanksgiving. Or at least, it's supposed to be. But here, it's just a normal school/work day. I've gotten fairly used to that over the years. But this is the first year (I think in our 10 years in PNG) that we are doing absolutely nothing to celebrate it. And I'm having a hard time with that.
It's not that I'm not thankful. I have SO much to be thankful for. But finding joy today when I just want to cry is more the issue. Maybe I can just chalk it up to hormones, but really, it's more than that.
Last year, we had probably the most "Thanksgiving-like" day that we've ever had here. You can see it HERE. We did all the traditional Thanksgiving things... hang out for the entire day, eat way too much food, play games, chat, re-visit the leftovers in the evening. It was wonderful.
But this year, after hosting Thanksgiving get-togethers for the last couple of years, I just am tired. We've had tons going on and I just honestly am not up to hosting a big get-together. I guess a part of me is discouraged by feeling that unless we host and invite and plan, no one will invite us to something. And so, we aren't having Thanksgiving this year.
I'm planning to have a special dinner tonight, just for our family, between helping the kids with their homework and Matt rushing off to play Floorball after dinner. Not quite the same. And it won't be a fancy turkey dinner complete with all the fixings. (This year, it would actually be possible to procure a turkey -- it's not always possible--- but it would literally cost over $80 to buy one!!! So even though it's is possible, it ain't gonna happen!) But it's hard to go through our non-holiday, knowing that back home, loved ones are getting together and laughing and talking and eating turkey and we are just having a 'just-like-any-other-day' here. It's easier to handle when we have plans to get together with friends and celebrate with them.
But, since that's not happening this year, I'll just try to keep busy, and go on a Facebook fast so I don't have to see everyone's Thanksgiving posts, and keep reminding myself of how much I have been blessed with and try my best to "be joyful always."
Missionary life canNOT be always smiley, I'm sure.. but I know that in many years when I couldn't celebrate the way I hoped, if you ask for God to give you special things He will insert little joys into your blah day :) That's what I pray as you ask for the mind of Christ. Much Love from the States, my friend! You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteHi Christy.
ReplyDeleteIt's your cousin Jill. Christy when reading your notes I felt I really needed to share with you as I understand the struggle of being joyful and thankful in difficult circumstances.
Just a short mile or so from where I live your parents, my children, Bill Mary, and other family members will be together sharing thanksgiving along with my mother at her home.
I will not be there. I will be alone by myself. I have been estranged from my mother, and father for about the last three . There aren't any words to describe this type of separation and the holidays are especially hard for me. My memories are what I will think about.The past times we shared, when I was a loved and accepted member of our family. I developed a disabling disorder called OCD over many years possibly the result of unresolved trama, its origin is not really identifiable, but due to ritual and repetitive behaviors that I have not been able to concur, I have been ostrisized and am not welcome in many places. The help I need is one of being brought into a home, where I can rest, where someone will encourage my efforts, and patiently guide me through the process. Basicly hold my hand, and then let go slowly.
Anyway back to Thanksgiving. I so wish I could be with family or even friends, but I can not. Where I find myself this , even though literally I will be here alone, my heart and thoughts will be with you and your family in PNG. I will be thinking about the sacrafice you have made to serve God, and how much giving of yourself, and how much giving up you have done. I hope that you can recall memories for comfort, but also know on truth that not everyone is sharing, and others are fighting this battle of being joyful in difficult circumstances too. I certainly miss you and haven't seen you for many years, but am thankful I can share part of my Thanksgiving with you in any way. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving diner with your family and I pray that there would be special memories of this year that will bring you joy on the years to follow.