Grieving and Growing

Why is it that the things that help us grow the most often cause us to grieve the most in the process?  Without challenges and hardships, we would stagnate and not grow into the people God has for us to be.  But, boy!  Can it be so painful and un-fun.

Right now, we're going through a lot of grieving in our house.  And let's just say that our house is often very unpleasant to be in.  I have a nearly 10 year old who is struggling the worst.  As his mom, it is my job to teach him that it's ok to grieve, and how to do it appropriately.  And I'm really not the world's best teacher.  It's much easier for me to just stuff the feelings and not deal with them, and try not to feel them, rather than burst into tears.  So I'm working on that.  But my heart breaks as I watch him (in particular) sort out his feelings.  I seriously feel like I have two tantrum-throwing toddlers in the house.  The 2 1/2 year old one, and the 9 11/12 year one.   Miserable.

How do you teach an almost 10 year old to grow through his grief?  We are less than 4 weeks away from going on furlough, and in his young mind, he has less than 4 weeks to spend with some of his dearest and best friends.  Boys he's gone through all of his life with.  Played in the dirt as toddlers with.  Started school with.  Ran around the neighborhood playing games with.  Talked and laughed and dreamed with.  And in less than 4 weeks when we leave for our furlough, he is going to have to say goodbye to them.  Possibly forever.

One of his friends is leaving around the same time.  "Going finish" we call it.  Going back to the U.S. to live.  The other will still be here for the year we are gone, but will be leaving just weeks before we arrive back, also 'going finish.'  So he has to say goodbye forever now.  How do you help a child grieve through that?!?

It's not easy.  Just this weekend, I had tears in my eyes as, at the end of Sports Day (the annual 2-day track and field meet for the Secondary Campus), the students and the crowds of parents stood and applauded for minute upon minute for the PE teacher.  He has been their PE teacher for all the years they have been in the secondary school, and for all their older siblings as well.  But their family is 'going finish' this year.  Consequently, his daughter is one of Kaitlyn's oldest friends. 

There is no easy way to say goodbye.  And this year in particular, we have a lot of people we will be saying goodbye to.  There's nothing like saying goodbye to someone, not knowing if you will ever see them again.  Especially when you have gone through so much together.  Hiking through the jungles, learning about how to live in PNG.  Raising our children together from newborns to toddlers to starting school, to growing into young men and women.  Sharing holiday traditions together in the absence of family.  Sharing our tears and our laughter.

So, I have a feeling the tantrums and other issues will continue for a while yet.  But hopefully, slowly but surely, we will all come to a place where we can grieve, but also grow through our grief.  And be thankful for all the special memories that we have through the years.

Fun Furlough Fact Nights

Sorry for the months of blog silence on my part.  I guess life has just been really busy, and well, for the most part, nothing really blog-worthy has been happening.  Just lots of trying to get the normal, day-to-day chores done, and attempt to pack up the house for a year at the same time.  Not too exciting.

But we had so much fun around the dinner table this evening that I thought I would share.

Tonight we started what will hopefully be a weekly series around the dinner table.  As we are now less than 5 weeks away from boarding the first of 7 planes that will carry us across the Pacific and back to California, we wanted to start dialoguing with the kids about things they need to be aware of and know about furlough.  So tonight we had a "Furlough True or False Quiz."

Over the past couple of weeks, Matt and I have been compiling a list of things we need to discuss with the kids, or things they need to be aware of as we get ready to spend a year in a country that really is foreign to them.  While Matt and I may feel like we are 'coming home', for the five children who accompany us, everything will be new/weird/strange/foreign.  They will be leaving their home.  Everything they know.  All their friends, and venturing to a strange, foreign land where Matt and I will be their only constants.

So we began our furlough series by a fun quiz which brought up various topics.  Things like wearing shoes.  Here, kids are used to going barefoot.  They take off their shoes to go into their school classrooms.  Kids often don't wear shoes to church.  They can be seen anywhere around the Center (store, roads, etc) barefoot.  So we had to have a discussion about how shoes must be worn pretty much anywhere we go in America.  And, how the strange people there do the unthinkable and 'wear shoes inside the house!' (gasp!  astonishment!!!)

Or take riding in a car.  We don't own a car here.  Riding in a car is a rare and special treat for us.  And when we do, there are no carseats, or seatbelts.  The kids just pile in (sometimes it can be like a clown car-- it's amazing how many people can fit in a vehicle if you don't have to worry about seatbelts!) or even ride sitting or standing in the back.  That will sure be a change for them once we hit American soil and they have to be in their legal car or booster seat, and always strapped in tight.  Just another thing we wanted them to be aware of before we get into that car for the first time.

We have lots more things to discuss with them:  safety, the fact that in the summer it will be light out until bedtime (or beyond!) and that during the winter it will be dark by well before dinner, and countless other things.

It was fun to have this discussion with kids who are finally old enough to understand and participate.  (And a couple who weren't quite there yet.)  Hopefully these sessions will help our kids to calm some fears and be better equipped to handle the upcoming transitions.