Grieving and Growing

Why is it that the things that help us grow the most often cause us to grieve the most in the process?  Without challenges and hardships, we would stagnate and not grow into the people God has for us to be.  But, boy!  Can it be so painful and un-fun.

Right now, we're going through a lot of grieving in our house.  And let's just say that our house is often very unpleasant to be in.  I have a nearly 10 year old who is struggling the worst.  As his mom, it is my job to teach him that it's ok to grieve, and how to do it appropriately.  And I'm really not the world's best teacher.  It's much easier for me to just stuff the feelings and not deal with them, and try not to feel them, rather than burst into tears.  So I'm working on that.  But my heart breaks as I watch him (in particular) sort out his feelings.  I seriously feel like I have two tantrum-throwing toddlers in the house.  The 2 1/2 year old one, and the 9 11/12 year one.   Miserable.

How do you teach an almost 10 year old to grow through his grief?  We are less than 4 weeks away from going on furlough, and in his young mind, he has less than 4 weeks to spend with some of his dearest and best friends.  Boys he's gone through all of his life with.  Played in the dirt as toddlers with.  Started school with.  Ran around the neighborhood playing games with.  Talked and laughed and dreamed with.  And in less than 4 weeks when we leave for our furlough, he is going to have to say goodbye to them.  Possibly forever.

One of his friends is leaving around the same time.  "Going finish" we call it.  Going back to the U.S. to live.  The other will still be here for the year we are gone, but will be leaving just weeks before we arrive back, also 'going finish.'  So he has to say goodbye forever now.  How do you help a child grieve through that?!?

It's not easy.  Just this weekend, I had tears in my eyes as, at the end of Sports Day (the annual 2-day track and field meet for the Secondary Campus), the students and the crowds of parents stood and applauded for minute upon minute for the PE teacher.  He has been their PE teacher for all the years they have been in the secondary school, and for all their older siblings as well.  But their family is 'going finish' this year.  Consequently, his daughter is one of Kaitlyn's oldest friends. 

There is no easy way to say goodbye.  And this year in particular, we have a lot of people we will be saying goodbye to.  There's nothing like saying goodbye to someone, not knowing if you will ever see them again.  Especially when you have gone through so much together.  Hiking through the jungles, learning about how to live in PNG.  Raising our children together from newborns to toddlers to starting school, to growing into young men and women.  Sharing holiday traditions together in the absence of family.  Sharing our tears and our laughter.

So, I have a feeling the tantrums and other issues will continue for a while yet.  But hopefully, slowly but surely, we will all come to a place where we can grieve, but also grow through our grief.  And be thankful for all the special memories that we have through the years.