Convicted!

This week I had one of those moments where I totally felt the 'knife-stabbing' pain of conviction. Like where I think I'm doing ok in an area, or mainly have things figured out, and then something someone says really drives that knife in as I realize that wow! I am so not there yet.

This week was regarding child discipline and rearing. We were together with some longtime friends, a couple I regard as Matt and my mentors when it comes to Wycliffe, and just being a missionary. We got to talking about child raising and discipline, and boy, I just really was convicted that I need to be a stronger, more firm parent.

I mean, I 'try' to be consistant and follow through with what I say, but there are definitely times when I let my "I don't want to get up again one more time" win out. And the teaching my kids that they don't have to obey when I say something the first time, but rather, they can wait for the "1, 2.... 4 and 9/10" before they really have to listen and obey.

It's always been my fear (from even before I had children) that my teenage children will be rebellious, turn their backs on God and not be close to Matt and I. And that may happen. I know I'm not a perfect parent, but I am seeking to instill in them the beliefs, morals and faith in God that will get them through life without the self-inflicted pain of rebellion and what it brings.

I really see that I need to be consistant in my discipline. No more of the "I'll give you to the count of 5 to obey" or the "next time you'll be punished" lines. And boy! It's not just ingrained in my children! I can't tell you how many times this week I've started to count. I hear myself say "ONE!" and have to stop and start again.

So that's my current struggle: how to be consistant (all the time) as a parent, in what I say and do, and not just "give in" to my kids. But even with the firm discipline to be loving and let my kids know that I LOVE them so much, and that God does too.

And when it comes to reacting to my kids, especially when they are disobeying, I have really seen that I need to work on my attitude. It sure can be hard to react in a patient and loving and kind way when Nathan has just peed his pants for the 3rd time that afternoon. Or when I have to get after one of my kids for hitting someone for who-knows-what time that day. Or if Kaitlyn or Nathan are refusing to pay attention to their school work and are screwing around the second my back is turned. I confess that I do not always react in way I am proud of, or that is honoring to God, or my kids.

So those are areas where I am focusing on this week (and every week in the future). Consistant, firm discipline and a loving, patient, God-honoring attitude at all moments of the day (whether I'm exhausted or not).