Happy Birthday Baby!

So yesterday we celebrated Julianne's first birthday. I think I'm in shock that she could be a year old already. Wow. It wasn't that very long ago I was hiking up mountains around Madang while on staff at POC, and then in Cairns to have her, then back in PNG and in the village for our house-building trip. I guess having a lot going on in the last year and a half or so can make the time fly.

I am so thankful for this sweet baby girl. I have always hoped to have four children. Two girls and two boys. But I really did not expect Julianne to be a girl. I figured, what with the Taylor family genes and all, that we would be having our third boy. But I prayed specifically for a girl, and I know that friends and family were also praying for that. And God answered our prayers! What a great, loving God we have!

So just over a year ago, in a shower in the hospital in Cairns, out came this little girl. I think it took me a day or two before the truth that we did have a second little girl really started to settle in.
Julianne is such a joy to have in our family. She's already such a character. She can make the silliest faces, just because she knows you are watching her. She's got a strong temper and hates to be told "no". She loves getting into anything and everything, and tries oh-so-hard to keep up with her three older siblings.

Just yesterday I found her in the bathroom, flushing the toilet over and over. Crazy baby. At least she's not walking quite yet. Then nothing will be safe.

Better Late Than Never

I have never ever in my life given up anything for Lent. Some years it is because I am not even thinking about it and don't realize when the whole season even started. (ie: Easter is so far away it's not even on my radar screen) But for more years than not, it's simply because I'm just too selfish. The thought of giving up/fasting from something that I enjoy does not even tempt me for a second.

So this morning when I woke up, my brain turned to Lent. Why? I have no idea. I think on Wednesday I must have seen some comment somewhere about it being Ash Wednesday. The start of Lent. Obviously it didn't phase me in the least on Wednesday. But how strange to wake up thinking about it on Thursday. So I gave it a little more thought. Why not? I mean, after all, fasting from something for a few weeks is rather pathetically simple when compared to how much God gave up and sacrificed for me. I decided to go ahead and give up something this year. Only one day late: better late than never, right? But what would I do? It's tempting to "give up" something that doesn't really hurt. Maybe something that I wouldn't miss. But that kinda defeats the purpose. So I took a deep breath and committed to giving up chocolate for the next 40+ days. Ouch. Especially since Julianne's 1st birthday is next week and I already know that all the rest of my family is going to request chocolate cupcakes. Like they would want any other kind. So it's going to be a test of my committment, and definitely a fast from something I like. So here goes!

But, on a happier (?) note:
Today we went and played as a family at a local park. Matt's weekend began today (whoo hoo!) and it actually got up into the 60's, so we were all ready to get outside for a bit.

There is this super cool park in Duncanville that I was excited to take the kids to again. It's a playground that was built back in the old days before all the lame, have-to-make-sure-no-one-could-possibly-get-hurt-and-sue plastic playgrounds came along.

So we climbed all around (much harder to do when you are over 5' tall and carrying a baby) and then had fun sitting and watching the kids race around. It was fun to see how Justin went from being a little nervous about all the maze-like areas to just racing around with Kaitlyn and Nathan and having a blast. Julianne sure was disappointed that I wouldn't just let her down to have at it as well. Well, maybe once you learn to walk, kiddo. =)

I'm sure we'll have some more fun trips here during the four months we're here in Texas, especially since the weather should start to get warmer before too long.

Convicted!

This week I had one of those moments where I totally felt the 'knife-stabbing' pain of conviction. Like where I think I'm doing ok in an area, or mainly have things figured out, and then something someone says really drives that knife in as I realize that wow! I am so not there yet.

This week was regarding child discipline and rearing. We were together with some longtime friends, a couple I regard as Matt and my mentors when it comes to Wycliffe, and just being a missionary. We got to talking about child raising and discipline, and boy, I just really was convicted that I need to be a stronger, more firm parent.

I mean, I 'try' to be consistant and follow through with what I say, but there are definitely times when I let my "I don't want to get up again one more time" win out. And the teaching my kids that they don't have to obey when I say something the first time, but rather, they can wait for the "1, 2.... 4 and 9/10" before they really have to listen and obey.

It's always been my fear (from even before I had children) that my teenage children will be rebellious, turn their backs on God and not be close to Matt and I. And that may happen. I know I'm not a perfect parent, but I am seeking to instill in them the beliefs, morals and faith in God that will get them through life without the self-inflicted pain of rebellion and what it brings.

I really see that I need to be consistant in my discipline. No more of the "I'll give you to the count of 5 to obey" or the "next time you'll be punished" lines. And boy! It's not just ingrained in my children! I can't tell you how many times this week I've started to count. I hear myself say "ONE!" and have to stop and start again.

So that's my current struggle: how to be consistant (all the time) as a parent, in what I say and do, and not just "give in" to my kids. But even with the firm discipline to be loving and let my kids know that I LOVE them so much, and that God does too.

And when it comes to reacting to my kids, especially when they are disobeying, I have really seen that I need to work on my attitude. It sure can be hard to react in a patient and loving and kind way when Nathan has just peed his pants for the 3rd time that afternoon. Or when I have to get after one of my kids for hitting someone for who-knows-what time that day. Or if Kaitlyn or Nathan are refusing to pay attention to their school work and are screwing around the second my back is turned. I confess that I do not always react in way I am proud of, or that is honoring to God, or my kids.

So those are areas where I am focusing on this week (and every week in the future). Consistant, firm discipline and a loving, patient, God-honoring attitude at all moments of the day (whether I'm exhausted or not).

Snow Day!!!

This morning we woke up to a white world! I hadn't even known snow was in the forecast, but obviously it had snowed a bunch during the night! The kids were so excited that we took a long break from school so they could go outside and play!

The last time the kids saw snow was in 2007, on a trip to Lake Tahoe during our furlough. At that time, it was cool to look at, but after a few minutes in the cold, they were ready to come back in. Today though, they spent a good 45 minutes to an hour outside, making snowmen, snow angels and just playing.

Making Snow Angels

Julianne was cold and ready to come back in! ( I sure was thankful that I had picked up the warm hat and mittens just yesterday at the Boutique!)

Expectations

Now that we are moved to Texas, and living in our own place for the next few months, I have all these great expectations about what's going to happen, what our family life will be like, etc. I feel like our family has been thrown all out of whack as we've been living with others for all of our time back. And as great as it has been to be with family, it's just hard to be constantly living in another's house, and with their ways of doing things.

The kids and chores have gone out the window, routines have been totally screwed up, etc. Now that we have our own place and just our family I have gobs of things I want to do. Like: get back to chores like setting and clearing the table at mealtimes and helping dishes, keeping beds made, etc. I want to get back in to having a daily devotion with the kids at bedtime (different from the school one we have each morning). I want to get back in to cooking (I have barely done any since we've gotten back, what with eating out at restaurants and other people's homes) and teach the kids some about housecleaning and laundry and such. And little things like trying to be sure the kids floss their teeth every day.

So now we'll see if I can keep up with everything I want to do each day with the kids. I feel like life will be a bit slower now, so maybe these goals will be more realistic. So many times I have all these great aspirations, but then reality sets in, or laziness, and many of them get left behind. I want to be a good mother and raise responsible, hard working, healthy kids. But I can't expect that to happen if I'm too lazy to teach them.

Which leads me to the next point of my great goals! Teaching. So far, all my focus has been on Nathan's Kindergarten and Kaitlyn's second grade stuff. Justin usually joins in for tiny bits (devotions, history, science) but then is just off playing on the floor nearby while we do school. I really want to work with him on letters and numbers and colors and shapes and such. So it's my goal these next few months to really devote time to teaching Justin as well. It's just that some days it feels like I'm running a race as I explain something to Nathan, rush over to the other room to answer a question from Kaitlyn, rush back to Nathan to see how he's doing, rush back to Kaitlyn to explain something new, while dealing with Justin and nursing Julianne! So trying to juggle one more thing sometimes doesn't sound all that inviting. I guess it's just a matter of deciding what is important, and then making the time for it.

Finally, I have great expectations when it comes to raising my kids to know and love God. I feel like so many days, when it comes to bedtime and I want to do devotions with the kids, I'm just exhausted. So I bellow at the kids in impatience, and rush thru the bedtime routines, just trying to get them quiet and out of my hair as quickly as possible. What kind of a message does that send my kids? "Ok, kiddos, lets talk about how God loves you and you should love others, but hurry up and shut up and get in bed, and I better not hear another noise out of you or else!" I want to work on finding balance in getting everything done during the day that needs to be done, but not be so exhausted and impatient at the end that I can't show God's love to my kids.

So, we'll see how my expectations hold up over these next few months!

Hurry Up and......... Wait!

So much of our time back on furlough has been crazy busy: packing and rushing off somewhere for the holidays, getting together with friends we haven't seen in ages, unpacking, going somewhere new. A week and a half ago, I was packing up everyone. Julianne and I to head up to Portland for 5 days to visit Julie, and Matt and the kids to go to Grammy and Gramps. Then I got back from my Portland trip on Monday and it's been full-steam rushing and packing everyone up for our move to Texas (tomorrow). But now, everything is packed and in the car, ready to leave at sunrise tomorrow. And I have nothing that needs to be done! Nothing to unpack, nothing left to pack, no one to rush off and visit. And I don't know what to do with myself! Too much of the "hurry up and wait" that we experience so often in PNG.

I had kind of hoped that Matt and I could get out for one final date before we left the free babysitting. =) We were even given a money gift so we could go do something fun. But while we've been able to treat everyone around us, we haven't gotten to go do something 'just the two of us'. So I guess I'm a bit disappointed about that. I had hoped that if we got packed by our "deadline" today we'd have free time this afternoon or evening to get out and do something. But it looks like that's not to be.

So I'll just have to find something to fill my "wait" time!

Ask and it shall be given.....

Sometimes I just don't understand.

Right now, I have two very dear friends who are struggling with infertility issues. I have prayed (and am continuing to pray) very specifically for each of them, that God would grant the desires of their hearts, open their wombs and let them have children. But so far, nothing is happening. I wonder: is my faith too small? Is what I am asking, for whatever reason, not what God wants? But why? It is hard to watch their struggles, especially as getting pregnant has never been an issue for Matt and I. I guess sometimes, I almost feel guilty that it was so easy for us, and yet my friends have had heartbreak and tears and are still waiting.

The verses, "the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective" and "ask and it shall be given to you" keep running around in my head today. So I will ask, and trust that God will do what is best for everyone. I know that in my limited knowledge, I *know* what is best, and right, but in reality, I see such a small picture.... I need to learn to trust God better and know that He is the one who knows best, and sees the big picture!